Between Dreams and Despair

    F.R.I.E.N.D.S (PS: This piece is from my lockdown diary, penned just before moving to Delhi, funny how words written then still hit the same now) ~I don't know whether to call it an appreciation note or cry while writing this note. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm so grateful for this show, where six non-existent characters sitting in a coffee house just being themselves made me survive those lockdown days. From just watching the random episodes on the Comedy Central TV channel to watching the whole season three times till date, it somehow helped me to ignore my dysfunctional life for a moment and just get lost in their crazy lives. I know it's too lame of me to note it down here, but I'll keep continuing. These six people were there when nothing was on track, all contacts were pretty blurry, and sitting hopelessly in home. They were the ones who got me involved with themselves. There were at 3 a.m. when my brain wouldn't let me sleep. They became a part of...

Kerala: a journey within In February 2022, I moved from Vizag to Delhi. Just a few months later, my father got transferred to Kochi, Kerala. Our home there wasn’t in the heart of the city but on the outskirts, almost like a small world carved out in the Arabian Sea, close enough to Kochi yet with its own quiet rhythm. During a long vacation from college, I finally visited my parents in Kochi. That trip became my very first encounter with Kerala, a place I had only heard about in stories and travel magazines, but never imagined I’d call a second home, even if only briefly. The flight itself felt like a small journey within the larger one. A direct 3.5-hour flight can be tiring, but the excitement kept me awake. Back then, Air India offered surprisingly good service, the journey was smooth, comfortable, almost calming. Landing at Kochi was another experience altogether. The airport itself stood out! not just because it is the  first airport in the world fully powered by solar energy ...

Between Dreams and Despair Night. Desk lamp is on again. The world outside moves ahead in celebrations, promotions, placements and promises while I sit here chasing a dream that never guarantees me anything but hope. I wonder, sometimes, what it truly means to set aside these years of my life for UPSC. The NCERTs open in front of me feel so familiar, like old friends but also like chains. I watch my friends move on, posting their wins on LinkedIn, achieving dreams, celebrating birthdays I sometimes forget to attend. The contrast hurts,maybe more than I admit. I can’t remember when the silence started feeling so loud. Days stretch out, notes pile up and the boundaries between morning and night blur. There are moments the fatigue wraps around me, making even small pleasures seem out of reach. Out there, the world is busy bustling offices, laughter at parties, glowing screens filled with other people’s successes. Here, I sit with my dreams and my doubts.  It’s strange, isn’t it? If yo...