Little space from night

                                                     

A little space of my night I wrote from the POV of a girl who loved everyone from her heart but world was not ready to see.

I blamed you for the anxiety, the spiral, the ache.

But the truth is  you were just the mirror.

You pulled away, so I clung tighter.

You needed space, I shrank smaller.

You shut down, I got louder.

You wanted freedom, I gave up my boundaries just to keep you.

I thought if I just loved you harder, you’d finally stay.

But love shouldn’t be begged for.

Your avoidance was never mine to fix.

You weren’t emotionally available, and I wasn’t emotionally safe.

You ran from closeness, I ran from myself.

You feared being engulfed.

I feared being abandoned.

We were both scared , just in opposite directions.

I lost myself not because of you but 

because I kept making your silence meant I wasn’t enough.

I begged for your attention

when I should’ve been listening to my own body.

I took your inconsistency as proof that I was failing.

But I’m not her anymore 

the anxious girl trying to earn space in one’s life.

I’ve felt the grief.

I’ve held the ache.

I’ve stopped performing for love, and started offering it inward.

Now , I no longer chase what hurts.

I don’t stay where I’m not met.

You didn’t destroy me.

You cracked me open.

And from those broken pieces, I built something sacred:

A woman.

Whole.

Worthy.

Rooted in herself.

And finally safe, not because of you,

but because of me.

And wherever you are

I hope you’re healing too.

~Civiscope